Expulsion: Part I

Time for some mind vomit... You know you love it.

I don't think coding is my career. Yeah I know, kinda crazy to think about considering it's the prime source of income supporting my family right now... It's scary to think about but I honestly don't feel that God has this for the rest of my life. I know I did the right thing in taking the job, and I know that I've grown a lot due to working at Sermonspice, but I just don't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. My passion is not there at all. The scary thing is that my passions lie in things that are SO incredibly hard to make into a job. Photography, video, music, philosophy, theology... Where can I take those things? What does God have for me? And why the heck am I not asking Him?...

I really want to start pursuing my music. Heh, "my" music. Like I have enough skill to acredit anything musical to me. Lame. But yeah, I want to really pursue playing music. Bass, piano, guitar and especially drums (Ashley just told me it's the sexiest instrument). Where is that going to take me? I want to serve God. And honestly, I don't feel like I'm doing it in the best capacity at Sermonspice. And that scares me. I don't feel like I make any difference, I feel like all I'm doing is just... carrying on. Like I'm not really making any decisions that affect the world around me. I'm like a walking corpse. Dead to everything, just animated. Not living. No purpose. I attribute this mostly to my failing relationship with the almighty... Sucktastic.

Very sucktastic.

Oh, I suppose I should mention that I do enjoy coding, but I'd much rather it be a hobby/opportunity for side jobs. Yay?


I just feel so... lost? Like I have no idea who I am or where I'm going. It's like trying to find your way around a city you've never been in without a nav system to tell you when you missed a turn...

"Mmmm, I want some chinese food... Dang, where do I turn?"
"Recalculating"
"Dang it!"

I wish that was me right now... as it is I'm driving without a map, or a side-seat driver... no nav system... and I just saw a lady get mugged by a baby seal... Now that's a bad neighborhood...

Thankfully I have my bro's... The brethren always help... Especially when baby seals are mugging people... poor lady...